Computer World Quotes

INSERT DISK THREE? But I can only get two in the drive!

Intel Inside is a Government Warning required by Law.

Intel Inside: The world’s most widely used warning label.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation…

A C program is like a fast dance on a newly waxed dance floor by people carrying razors.

A closed mouth says nothing wrong; a closed mind does nothing right.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren’t broken.

A logician trying to explain logic to a programmer is like a cat trying to explain to a fish what it’s like to get wet.

A misplaced decimal point will always end up where it will do the greatest damage.

A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.

All computers wait at the same speed.

Any given computer program, when running, is obsolete.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.

Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies.

Back up my hard disk? I can’t find the reverse switch!

BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don’t RETURN.

Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable.

Cannot delete tmp150???3.tmp: There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again.

Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is nothing like Shakespeare.

Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.

Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Confucius say: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.

Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.

Double your drive space—delete Windows!

Enter any 11?digit prime number to continue…

Error, no keyboard—press F1 to continue.

ERROR: Computer possessed; Load EXOR.SYS? [Y/N]

Ever notice how fast Windows runs?—Neither do I.

Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++???

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

G~d is real, unless declared integer.

Going from programming in Pascal to programming in C, is like learning to write in Morse code.

He who laughs last probably made a back?up.

Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

I can’t use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.

I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: Outlook not so good. I said: Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway.

I have NOT lost my mind—I have it backed up on tape somewhere.

I wonder what G~d would do if He had to reload Windows  for the eighth time today?

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed… …If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

If at first you don’t succeed, work for Microsoft.

If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.

If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

If it wasn’t for C, we’d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If it’s not on fire, it’s a software problem.

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

It’s 5.50 a.m…. Do you know where your stack pointer is?

It’s a little?known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.

Kevorkian Virus: helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

Memory is like an orgasm. It’s a lot better if you don’t have to fake it.

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell.

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. No is the answer.

MS?DOS isn’t dead, it just smells that way.

Network: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a pickup full of magnetic tapes.

NO, You cannot dial 911, I’m downloading my mail!!!

Pascal n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.

Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’ll support it for the rest of your life.

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

Smith & Wesson—the original point and click interface.

The C Programming Language—A language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.

The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

The more I C, the less I see.

UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus.

What does the Start button do—isn’t the computer already running?

When all else fails, read the instructions.

When anything is used to its full potential, it will break.

Why should I press the Start button to turn the computer off?

Windows isn’t a virus, viruses do something.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

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