Great Computer Quotes

  1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t

  2. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

  3. I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

  4. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features

  5. Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you

  6. In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

  7. Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk

  8. I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

  9. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

  10. The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX

  11. A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax

  12. Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly

  13. A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila

  14. The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong

  15. UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity

  16. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

  17. C://dos

  18. C://dos.run

  19. run.dos.run

  20. You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead


  22. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

  23. Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive

  24. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

  25. There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer

  26. Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button

  27. It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard

  28. Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!

  29. The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are

  30. Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers

  31. The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers

  32. If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture

  33. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

  34. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

  35. LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses

  36. The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program

  37. Squash one bug, you’ll see ten new bugs popping

  38. Every time i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs

  39. boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts

  40. We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again

  41. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted

  42. If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBO

  43. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner

  44. Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut

  45. Unrecognized input, get out of the class

  46. Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !

  47. WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER

  48. Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

  49. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes

  50. Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression

  51. Hackers in Hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into FBI”

  52. BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

  53. I survived an NT installation

  54. The name is Baud……James Baud

  55. My new car runs at 56Kbps

  56. Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”

  57. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

  58. Cannot read data, leech the next boy’s paper? (Y/N)

  59. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

  60. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

  61. Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?

  62. Windows: Just another pane in the glass

  63. Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?

  64. RAM disk is not an installation procedure

  65. Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…

  66. The truth is out there…anybody got the URL?

  67. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..

  68. E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage

  69. Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!

  70. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

  71. Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue

  72. Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the ‘OK’ button to continue

  73. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…

  74. Press every key to continue

  75. Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’..

  76. Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!

  77. Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources

  78. To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so

  79. (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing

  80. Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS

  81. (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

  82. Computers can never replace human stupidity

  83. A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)

  84. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?

  85. Bugs come in through open Windows

  86. Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun

  87. Unix is user friendly…its just selective about who its friends are

  88. Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity

  89. Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.

  90. To err is human…to really foul up requires the root password.

  91. Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )

  92. FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink

  93. I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore

  94. Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning

  95. Black holes are where God divided by zero

  96. Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

  97. Thank god, my baby just compiled

  98. Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output

  99. Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously

  100. Zap! And there was the blue screen !

  101. Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost

  102. MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam

  103. A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don’t use them

  104. PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days

  105. 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist

  106. 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied

  107. Error message: “Out of paper on drive D:”

  108. If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d anti alias my graphics!

  109. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

  110. “Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”

  111. Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface

  112. Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam

  113. Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall

  114. Real programmers can write assembly code in any language

  115. Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it

  116. Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?

  117. Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink cartridges Customer : Where can i download that?

  118. All computers run at the same speed… with the power off

  119. You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out

  120. Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.

  121. Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel

  122. Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet

  123. Shut up, or i’ll flush you out

  124. Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour

  125. We are experiencing system trouble — do not adjust your terminal

  126. You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.

  127. I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you

  128. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway

  129. Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?

  130. If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question

  131. Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not

  132. My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half

  133. You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old

  134. Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours

  135. I’m sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)

  136. Ah, young webmaster… java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering

  137. What color do you want that database?

  138. C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can’t read any of them

  139. As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code

  140. earth is 98% full … please delete anyone you can

  141. A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”

  142. When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop

  143. Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue

  144. Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product

  145. NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands

  146. Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !

  147. NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one

  148. JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash

  149. How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL

  150. Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT

  151. root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’

  152. New Linux package released. Please install on /dev/null

  153. Quake and uptime do not like each other

  154. Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038

  155. As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria — Final Fantasy VIII

  156. Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo

  157. Unix is the only virus with a command line interface

  158. Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system

  159. How are we supposed to hack your system if it’s always down!

  160. God is real, unless declared integer

  161. I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?

  162. Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue

  163. It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions

  164. Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$

  165. If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery

  166. Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle

  167. Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption

  168. Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download

  169. I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

  170. You sir, are an unknown USB device driver

  171. C isn’t that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

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